It's relative, if the duplication is that large maybe you do need to abstract.
It also sounds like you would be well served using a service abstraction at that point to remove the data layer from client scope entirely.
The "model changes, now we have to change it every where" isn't going to be solved by abstraction, it's only limited by the amount you're willing to limit access to the underlying model, if you need that information, you need to share the model.
The best solution to this I've seen in practice is domain modelling, colocating shared code near other users. When things get too distant you start using anti corruption layers which allows more flexible model changing.
But at the end of the day this is essential complexity, orm, or any other solution is never going to be able to hide the fact that you need information elsewhere in the system to be useful.
It also sounds like you would be well served using a service abstraction at that point to remove the data layer from client scope entirely.
The "model changes, now we have to change it every where" isn't going to be solved by abstraction, it's only limited by the amount you're willing to limit access to the underlying model, if you need that information, you need to share the model.
The best solution to this I've seen in practice is domain modelling, colocating shared code near other users. When things get too distant you start using anti corruption layers which allows more flexible model changing.
But at the end of the day this is essential complexity, orm, or any other solution is never going to be able to hide the fact that you need information elsewhere in the system to be useful.