>I think the idea that most people are nice to some people, and not nice to others is a generally accepted premise.
Nothing I said implied I disagreed with that "premise" and it seems bizarre how what I did say could somehow lead to your non sequitur of an answer. At any rate, what should have been obvious I was taking exception to was the idea that "plenty of people are overly polite because it inflates their ego to be perceived as polite." That comes across as reductive. The same argument could be used to criticize anyone's motivations for practically anything and anything's opposite. So and so does x because it inflates their ego to be perceived as doing x or so and so is overly impolite because it feeds their ego to be perceived as someone with a gruff demeanor. It's too easy so I was looking for some kind of article that at least made a convincing argument for its application in at least this specific context. I'm still waiting.
Like you said, anyone's motivation for their actions can be questioned. Everyone's motives are questionable. I don't think an article is needed to argue about that.
I, personally, am kind to many people just because it is troublesome not to be, or to extract specific behaviors as a return. I managed to get a driving license without bribing (bribing for that is standard practice here), because I was so overly polite and non aggressive during training that my instructor genuinely believed I was one of the few pure souls left on this planet. The instructor then managed to persuade the examiner of my driving test that the reason I was not paying was because I was naive and really thought I could drive making zero mistakes, not because I was trying to get away with it ( if you don't bribe, a single tiny mistake is enough to get cut, and you can't really avoid it if the examiner wishes, also the examiner and the instructor share the bribe). That saved me about 150 euros. That's politeness ft or you.
I'm frankly not buying this lazy argument. The assertion that "plenty of people are overly polite because it inflates their ego to be perceived as polite" is bullshit. In it's general form it's no more than a convenient tool to disparage those you don't like. Dislike a person but lack a rational or socially acceptable way to criticize them? Easy, just use this prebaked phrasing to cast any exhibited behavior negatively.
Imagine somebody doesn't like happy/serious/polite/flirty/whatever people. Then to them happy/serious/polite/flirty/whatever people are just acting happy/serious/polite/flirty/whatever to be perceived that way as an ego boost. It's an absurdly reductive cynical word game when you need to hate but can't come up with anything substantive. The argument's unprovability short of mind reading and its applicableness to anything (and anything's opposite!) removes any intellectual rigor as it careers completely over the side of "proving" too much. Vacuous rhetorical flourish trotted out in the middle of discussion to target anything the opponent says or does as mere self-aggrandizement.
Seductive if one goes for that kind of sophistry however the reality of human motivation does not resemble this arbitrarily contrived model of, to echo the GP, ego inflation.
Here's the real reason people seem "overly" polite: a combination of cultural norms, fear, being non-confrontational, and power dynamics. As simple as it is.
I know that some people are willing to go through much mental gymnastics to justify hate and derision while seeing themselves as virtuous but had no idea this mean spirited belief pattern was at all pervasive here, however this discussion has led me to revise that belief. It's sickening but rather than continue to get worked up I'll just log out for another 6 month hiatus like I've done before when this community gets a little too high off its own farts. Hopefully things will be better, folks a little less stir crazy in October. Later.
Nothing I said implied I disagreed with that "premise" and it seems bizarre how what I did say could somehow lead to your non sequitur of an answer. At any rate, what should have been obvious I was taking exception to was the idea that "plenty of people are overly polite because it inflates their ego to be perceived as polite." That comes across as reductive. The same argument could be used to criticize anyone's motivations for practically anything and anything's opposite. So and so does x because it inflates their ego to be perceived as doing x or so and so is overly impolite because it feeds their ego to be perceived as someone with a gruff demeanor. It's too easy so I was looking for some kind of article that at least made a convincing argument for its application in at least this specific context. I'm still waiting.