Just to build upon the Practice element you mentioned, any time you want to change something, then do exposure therapy
Can you go to the bar, speak to 50 people, make 5 excellent business contacts and conquor the world? No
Can you go to the bar and speak to 50 people? No
Can you go to the bar and speak to 3 people? No
Can you go to the bar? Yes
Ok, this time go to the bar, if you're not ready to speak to people then just observe others interactions. Then go home, that's enough for today.
Next time go to the bar, and speak to one person. Practice. That's enough for today.
Next time go a little further.
That's how I started at the gym. I realized I was avoiding the gym because I didn't know to how to go to the gym, do an excellent workout, and not make an idiot of myself. But that's too much at once.
I started by just going to the gym. Just show up. Stand there, look at the equipment and go home.
Next day, go to the gym, lift 1 weight 10 times. Then go home.
Next day, a little more.
Now I easily do an hour in the gym.
Expose yourself to the thing you fear in a reasonable way, repeated exposure with increasing intensity is what people say when they say "Practice, Practice, Practice"
This is a meta-skill that many would benefit from. Find the smallest step towards your goal and try. If it’s too much, back off. If it felt comfortable, try a bigger step.
In general I would agree to your advice of taking small steps, but with the concrete examples, my former self would think "but then everyone remembers me as the creepy guy, who just comes and looks at everyone. I could not go to step 2 then"
Another thing that can be much easier while traveling if you have anxiety is dating. Like you said, there's the comfort in knowing that you'll never see any people there again if you so choose. But if there's also a language barrier, it removes any expectations of witty banter and flirtation that usually relies on familiarity with your local culture and social norms. And there's less pressure to be interesting -- just being a foreigner will often make you interesting to locals without even trying, at least a first.
I agree about practice, but going into a bar and making business connections is pretty different from going to the gym. In five minutes of googling you'll find excellent training programmes, so detailed that a child can follow them. But there is no manual for social interaction, it's much much harder to learn if it doesn't come natural to you.
i love the gentle approach described here. it's the best way to make incremental progress in what seems at first glance to be an insurmountably difficult problem. thank you!
Can you go to the bar, speak to 50 people, make 5 excellent business contacts and conquor the world? No
Can you go to the bar and speak to 50 people? No
Can you go to the bar and speak to 3 people? No
Can you go to the bar? Yes
Ok, this time go to the bar, if you're not ready to speak to people then just observe others interactions. Then go home, that's enough for today.
Next time go to the bar, and speak to one person. Practice. That's enough for today.
Next time go a little further.
That's how I started at the gym. I realized I was avoiding the gym because I didn't know to how to go to the gym, do an excellent workout, and not make an idiot of myself. But that's too much at once.
I started by just going to the gym. Just show up. Stand there, look at the equipment and go home.
Next day, go to the gym, lift 1 weight 10 times. Then go home.
Next day, a little more.
Now I easily do an hour in the gym.
Expose yourself to the thing you fear in a reasonable way, repeated exposure with increasing intensity is what people say when they say "Practice, Practice, Practice"