> many unspoken assumptions

Yup. And had I known that, been able, in verbal, emotional, psychological, and social skills, to have acted on it, and done so at all well, then as soon as that girl I knew in high school, starting when she was 12, was out of high school and I was out of college, we would have gotten married and my life would have been much different and quite likely much better.

Side point: High school first love is not necessarily just a joke, just an unwelcome threat of too much emotional involvement, an unmarried pregnancy, or something just to be thrown away. In particular, a lot of high school girls will get married at the traditional time, in June after their high school graduation, so that from age 12 to marriage she is short of time to learn about young men, find some good catches, pick one, build a relationship, after trashing a few, go steady, and get engaged, all in time for her high school graduation.

To nerd boys talking to girls: Don't just play Anatomy 101 Hands on Lab, contact comfort cuddling, caring about her and protecting her, joining your life with hers, etc. and in addition be sufficiently articulate and clear with, right, a natural language, e.g., English, to eliminate "many unspoken assumptions". Else your communications can be poor leading to misunderstandings, that is, she can accumulate a list of things about you that are wildly false, and similarly for you about her. Then after a few weeks of you two acting on those misunderstandings, your relationship can be in real trouble. That's what that girl and I did; there was actually nothing really wrong, but the misunderstandings ruined our relationship.

Realize some emotions she likely has: First being a girl, her emotions are likely more intense than yours. E.g., she has emotions about pregnancy, if she gets pregnant some really strong, good emotions if she wants to be pregnant and some really strong, bad emotions if she doesn't. Second, learn to read her emotions in her facial expressions. Sorry, guys, even if you are a normal male and not a nerd, from birth she is an astoundingly talented and devoted reader of facial expressions while you are thinking about the posts in the crib, how the latch mechanism works, how to escape to get to the toy firetruck on the floor (not really a joke), and how to control it via C++ code. She does a lot of communicating with facial expressions. Third, with her strong emotions, and because she is a girl and generally more vulnerable to "the hostile forces of nature and society" than you are, she tends to be afraid. Indeed, serious anxiety disease is much more common for human females (maybe 4:1) than in males. So, one thing you should do, and that you might get hugs, kisses, and more for, is to help her with her fears, i.e., provide her with some emotional security. The relationship is not all about hands on lab. Fourth, one thing she is afraid of is being rejected by you. If you are a mean guy, then you may be able to exploit this to your (likely only short term) advantage and manipulate her to be intimidated, subordinate, subservient, subjugated, etc. (you don't really want that, do you?). If you are a nicer guy, then you will give her some of the highly coveted emotional security of letting her know you are not about to reject her -- right, she might take advantage of this, feel entitled, take you for granted, and abuse your effort. To know, read her emotions. Fifth, to help her with the emotions closer to your relationship, use the famous three little words, "I love you", sometimes a lot. And, "say it with flowers" or some such things. Else she can be afraid that you are drifting away from her. Sixth, realize that she's a mammal (not just a joke about her bust line) and, like all baby mammals (even though she is not exactly still a baby) she does not (emphasize this with flashing letters and some huge font size) want to feel alone -- for her to feel alone can be just terrifying to her. Indeed, one reason for cell phones is so that girls can continue to gossip while mobile, and they gossip (may I have the envelope please) so that they don't feel alone, so that they feel acceptance and approval from membership in a group that they get by bringing the group juicy tidbits of gossip (read some D. Tannen, long at Georgetown) -- built one of a heck of cell phone and smart phone industry. Seventh, when everything does hit the fan, slow down, calm down, back down, relax, count slowly to 20, maybe type in all your thoughts and review them 24 hours later, maybe even days later, etc., and see how to correct the situation. In all of this, be highly aware of her emotions. Did I mention the importance of her emotions? Maybe use some reflective listening techniques ("What I heard you explain was ...; is this about right?") also intended for good parenting of children and likely also useful if you are CEO of a startup.

There's more. Maybe I will get a blog and post a more complete and better organized presentation.

But for this thread, at least for now, some parts of the humanities can be crucial for understanding people.