"Never pull out your phone unless you politely excuse yourself from the people you are with."
Among people I know, that is the standard practice; it's not something I've ever heard anyone advocate, it's just what everyone does. I'm intrigued as to what context you (and, by the looks of the comments here, lots of other HN posters) are in where people just break off in the middle of social interactions to mess about with their phones. That's such a basic violation of (what I take to be) standard interpersonal norms I have trouble imagining anyone doing it.
You'd think it would be. Regularly at bars / restaurants when I'm with other people they'll just check their streams during conversations. Usually it's because they got a text first and one thing leads to another. Even when you get a text, to me, I think it's just general good manners to excuse yourself.. "Sorry, I think my wife just sent me a text, do you mind if I check it"?
I'd like to say it was just an age thing, but I see it all the time around my tech professional friends.
I had a friend (not a close one, but good enough to arrange one-on-one meetings in NYC) repeatedly pull out his phone in the middle of conversations. Everything just stopped for a minute 4-5 times/hr. I then defriended him in real life.
But then you also have the people who just scroll through Instagram or something similarly non-linguistic while you're in a conversation. They say they're listening but they "just do this naturally" or "I can do two things at once".
Whether their phone use is blocking or non-blocking of our conversation, it's simply a gesture of disrespect if done more than once or twice. If you don't like my company enough to give full attention, or your other friend is in an emergency, just excuse yourself and leave.
I think I'm going to start excusing myself when I find my friends are doing it.
Among people I know, that is the standard practice; it's not something I've ever heard anyone advocate, it's just what everyone does. I'm intrigued as to what context you (and, by the looks of the comments here, lots of other HN posters) are in where people just break off in the middle of social interactions to mess about with their phones. That's such a basic violation of (what I take to be) standard interpersonal norms I have trouble imagining anyone doing it.